Spring Training Narratives: The Mad-Libs Edition.

I was meaning to write a nice update of spring training storylines like Rob has done in the post below, but I'm too busy reading rejection letters from Universities being chased by spurned Valentines to scour the globe for the informative content that you, the reader deserve.

Then I remembered that it's spring training, and the stories write themselves.

So here are your Mad Libs that need filling in.  The story itself is below the fold.  (No peeking until you've entered your words!)

 

1. A Cubs Player

2. A number

3. A celebrity

4. A food

5.  A gerund (a verb + ing) 

6.  A noun

7. A Cubs Player

8.  A body part

9.  A medical procedure

10.  A number

11.  A roster position

12. A Cubs Player

13. An adjective

14.  A Cubs Player

15.  An Adjective

16.  A player from another baseball team

17.  A sports reporter

18.  A retired player

19.  An adjective

20.  A roster position

21.  A feature of Wrigley Field

22. +  23.  Two corporations

24.  An occupation

25 + 26.  Two Celebrities

27.  A tragedy

28.  A Cubs Player

29.  A noun.

As spring training begins, [1] appears to be in the best shape of his life.  [1] lost [2] pounds in the offseason by adopting [3] 's fitness plan.  This plan involves eating only [4] and a daily exercise routine of [5] [6].

 

[1] isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form.  Concerns about [7] 's [8] linger.  While [7] insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only [9] will fix the problem.  Lou Piniella is relying on [7] to make at least [10] starts this year.

 

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for [11], where [12] appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more [13] candidates like [14].  If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a [15] veteran like [16].  While [17] is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax [18] out of retirement and play for the team.

 

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some [19] new attractions.  In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more [20]s, the Cubs have added advertising to the [21].  The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance.  Among the prominent brands to be found will be [22] and [23].  Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch.  We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary [24] [25] perform, and [26] will be making his (her) first appearnce since [27].  [28] is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) [29].

 

Comments

I took a REAL chance that 3-6 were connected, and it paid off for me in a big, big way. The risk was defintely worth the reward there. Also, I kind of thought that you were going towards the 7th inning stretch there at the end, which worked out nicely. I love madlibs. This should be a regular feature. Here's mine:

As spring training begins, Milton Bradley appears to be in the best shape of his life. Milton Bradley lost 100 pounds in the offseason by adopting Chad's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only horse balls and a daily exercise routine of performing fellatio.

Milton Bradley isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Koyie Hill's left hand linger. While Koyie Hill insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only cutting fingers off will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Koyie Hill to make at least 7 starts this year.

While most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for LOOGY, where Carlos Marmol appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more neat candidates like Mike Fontenot. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Adam Dunn. While Bruce Levine is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Walker out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some bad new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more late inning defensive replacements, the Cubs have added advertising to the drunk whores with their tits out who have no tangible knowledge of baseball. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary janitor Mike Ditka perform, and Jeff Gordon will be making his (her) first appearnce since Kellie Pickler did an interview with Len and Bob. Carlos Zambrano is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him (her) for his (her) cucumber.

I think I would pay money to see Zambrano ask Jeff Gordon for his cucumber.

Glad one person liked this, at least.  :)

I am slightly afraid that Milton Bradley is going to come after me like I'm a visiting TV announcer after he reads that first paragraph, though.

what?

a black man can't like horse balls?

racist.

~Transmission ducks~

I bet Babe Ruth liked horse balls.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9212720/Furor-o...

I think the real trouble that comes in with Milton (and Chad, in a related story) is that they aren't kosher.

FYI, I've lost 35 pounds since October. True story.

A hunger strike isn't going to get Obama out of the White House...

As spring training begins, Chad Fox appears to be in the best shape of his life. Fox lost -30 pounds in the offseason by adopting ARod 's fitness plan. This plan involves eating only chemically-enhanced skittles and a daily exercise routine of injecting & cream.

Fox isn't the only Cub trying to get into mid-season form. concerns about Bako's oblique linger. While Bako insists he will be ready to go on opening day, others fear that only a lobotomy will fix the problem. Lou Piniella is replying on Bako to make at least 4 starts this year.

Wile most of the roster is settled, one of the top positional battles is for weak-ass hitting, semi-good fielding player, where Gathright appears to be the favorite but has to compete with more similar weak-ass hitting castoff candidates like Taguchi. If no one steps up, General Manager Jim Hendry may be forced to sign or trade for a scrappy veteran like Corey Patterson. While Phil Rogers is reporting the rumor, Hendry says there has been no effort to coax Todd Hollandsworth out of retirement and play for the team.

Finally, when the team breaks camp and heads for Chicago, expect some invigorating new attractions. In an effort to boost revenue so that Hendry can sign more aforementioned weak-ass hitting semigood fielding scrubs, the Cubs have added advertising to the dugouts. The ads are specifically designed to fit in with Wrigley's historic ambiance. Among the prominent brands to be found will be MVN.com and AIG. Also, a new host of celebrity guest conductors will find their way to the booth for the Seventh Inning Stretch. We don't want to give away too much, but expect to see legendary role-model athletes Charles Barkley perform, and Mark McGwire will be making his first appearnce since he wanted to only talk about the future. Milton Bradley is a self-professed fan, and hopes to ask him for his prescriptions.

and Trans, we are hiring drivers...

Awesome, both on the libs and the hiring.

For #27 - A tragedy - I thought you meant like a Shakespearean play, so I put down Macbeth. It kind of lost something because of that.

#27--might make more sense to have tried Sampson Agonistes in RF (by Milton).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samson_Agonistes

Sampy Sosa? A muscle-bound former hero who was reduced to flailing at the ball like a blind man? Just don't put him by any load-bearing beams.

Sampy: tell A-Rod to skip the haircut

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  • As Johnny Bach used to say when it was time for the MJ Bulls to crank up the defensive pressure: "Release the Dobermans!", and Jordan, Pippen, Rodman and Harper would just suffocate the other team.

    I'd love to add Carl Jr. to that group - he's got the stuff.

    billybucks 12 min 57 sec ago view
  • Historically, the Moneyball guys have been great at identifying productive hitters. Not so much with pitchers.

    billybucks 14 min 8 sec ago view
  • Wow - Pierce Johnson with an ERA of 8.01 in 42IP!

    What a stud prospect! Must be pitching with a pierced johnson.

    Looks like Ryan Williams is the only legit prospect there. That is sad...

    The E-Man 16 min 19 sec ago view
  • Well it would seem that's all they need now. "Stropy" can have his moments, but he's been more consistent post-asg.

    The E-Man 25 min 6 sec ago view
  • Take THAT, Cardinals -- you beat Fernandez, we beat Sale.

    I really like Lackey as a 6-inning pitcher.

    billybucks 51 min 52 sec ago view
  • Three amigos? Because the Dominican, the Venezuelan, and the Cuban?

    Maybe the three-headed dragon?

    John Beasley 1 hour 7 min ago view
  • Who says Contreras can't frame? Stone cold robbery of Eaton with that called third strike for the first out in the eighth

    Eric S 1 hour 38 min ago view
  • Three amigos time?

    7-8-9th

    jacos 1 hour 53 min ago view
  • he should hit more of those. that would be an ideal outcome. /moneyballs

    crunch 6 hours 9 min ago view
  • Russell with 19 RBI in July so far. Grand Slams help.

    billybucks 6 hours 51 min ago view
  • ...and Familia with back-to-back blown saves. Blows a one-run lead vs. Rockies today, gets his 2nd consecutive loss.

    I am OK with the Mets missing the playoffs and suffering crushing losses at home --- just want them to beat St. Louis.

    He played with fire twice agains the Cubs -- unfortunately, the Cubs couldn't stop swinging.

    billybucks 6 hours 55 min ago view
  • How about Kyle Farnsworth? I know he was consistently upper 90s.

    videographer 8 hours 49 min ago view
  • If he puts up Soriano numbers I will be ecstatic

    jacos 10 hours 37 min ago view
  • I think Javy is learning--but he's learning to make contact, not learning to lay off pitches out of the zone. A quick glance at his plate discipline numbers on Fangraphs shows that his contact rate is up, especially his contact rate out of the zone, but his swing rate is up too, especially his swing rate out of the zone.

    Charlie 11 hours 12 min ago view
  • I definitely saw ballpark radar guns go up to 102 on Kerry Wood back when he was still a starter, but who knows how accurate they were.

    Charlie 11 hours 25 min ago view
  • They've mentioned Henry Rodriguez (2013), Chris Carpenter, and Andrew Cashner as Cubs who have gone 100+. They said Rodriguez was tops at 100.8. Who knows before 2008?

    QuietMan 12 hours 49 min ago view