How Fast is Reed Johnson?
When you're a young guy, hair that grows in places other than your head is pretty important.
I was a freshman in football this one time when a guy named Paul Holland completely ran me over in a tackling drill.
One of the coaches screams at me, "SOUERS, YOU AIN'T GOT NO HAIR ON YOUR ASS!"
I could tell right away that hair meant huevos, balls, intestinal fortitude.
In college I decided to grow sideburns.
Grew 'em for about 3 weeks.
Wellll, on one side I had to painstakingly and artfully blend hair from my head to mix with all of maybe 14 actual sideburn hairs.
And all that blending was for naught because only 5 actual sideburn hairs grew on the other side.
Bald patch between the head hair and the 5 sideburn hairs - not good.
I cannot grow a mustache or a beard, I have no hair on my chest, and my leg hair kinda petered out in 6th grade.
Reed Johnson seems to be able to grow beards at will and overnight.
I am SO jealous.
But you never know - I may still be maturing.
Well, that hopefully took your mind off of Geovany Soto's "mild" oblique strain and the sloppy, rotten, foul-tasting 1-4 loss to the Braves yesterday.
Kevin Hart came up to take Dempster's place in the rotation.
He did okay, really.
Buncha walks, but okay.
It's these damned wimpy Cub bats.
They have no hair.
And here come the Cardinals...
A little perspective - the Phillies lead the NL with 432 runs scored, St. Louis is 6th with 377, and our favorite team is 15th with 337.
I'm sure you're aware that that's 15th out of 16.
So...not so good.
I'd put a little hair tonic on those bats, boys.
Do that thing where everybody on the team grows a beard or something.
You are going to need to score some runs in these next 4 games.
And if you do, you will have a chance to knock these guys down a peg.
And even though I don't, as a Cub fan I would at least feel like I had some hair on my ass.
Tim Souers is the illustrator and author of Cubby Blue and appreciates the opportunity to guest blog here at The Cub Reporter.
This illustration is in the current issue of VINE LINE.
First team to 60 wins! Onward to 70, 80, 90 and 100!
I. Hate. The. Mets.
OK Marlins -- take 'em down. Fernandez, at home, tomorrow for the Fish.
Gotta say, though -- as much as I can't stand them, the Cardinals have had some very impressive late-inning wins against premier closers.
Very impressive that he hit a 3-2 curve ball. Such a dynamic ballplayer. If he ever learns the strike zone....
If Jason Hammel doesn't get a potato chip sponsorship deal, somebody messed up. Attaboy, Jason!
I am looking forward to AChap facing the Cardinals.
Sure is fun to watch them score finally. To think they were no-hit until the 7th...
Got to admit it - it was comforting seeing Rondon come out for the eighth after just taking a two run lead ... And put the hammer down with a 7 pitch inning. Good stuff
GRAND SLAM RUSSELL
blown the hell open...7 run lead
11 hits off Wainwright tonight. Everything going right for the Cards right now. Motherfucking motherfuckers.
it was more no-doubt than bryant's HR. it wont make any end-of-season highlight reels, but that one was booked to leave on contact.
Javy! Javy! Javy!
How sweet was that - Cranked it!
393 happy feet
cubs take a 2 run lead in the 7th. sweet.
...and the Cards tie and take the lead in the 9th. off Familia.
Familia blows his first save of the season -- gives up 2 in 9th to the Cards.
Not much going our way these days.
no-doubt HR towering to CF...tie game.