Fantasy Nightmares

My first exposure to fantasy baseball was through a guy who I was sort of friends with in middle school. There were maybe eight of us in the league, maybe five of whom were regulars, maybe three of whom sort of knew what we were doing, sort of. One guy, for instance, used his first eight draft picks to pick the Detroit Tigers' lineup. The guy who ran the league would “publish” a little newsletter at random intervals, updating the point standings (which he calculated on his own) and with funny little faux baseball articles. That must have been the 1990 or 1991 baseball season, but I still remember some of the players I picked for that team. God, they sucked. Sadly, it wouldn’t be the last team I owned that I then proceeded to populate with Has-beens, Never-would-be’s, The Suspended and The Dead. Here’s a fun romp through some of the low-lights of my fantasy career. (In a topic as bountiful as this, it will be tough to limit myself.) Hensley "Bam-Bam" Meulens, 1991 I’ve always been a sucker for players with cool names or nicknames.... This was, I believe, my first ever fantasy baseball team, and Hensley was a young OF prospect with the Yankees. In 288 Abs that year, he hit .222/.276/.319/.595 for an OPS+ of 65. At the time, I think we would have thought OPS to be a misspelling of OPP, but we all knew that Meulens was bad. He did have a few decent years in Japan in the mid-90s. Steve Olin, 1993 This league I played in during middle school and high school had a very early draft. February, I think. Going in to 1993, if I recall, we began to draft relievers. Steve Olin had just saved 29 games for the Indians with a 2.34 ERA (although of course I did not notice the alarming 47 K in 88 innings). More alarming is the fact that Olin would be dead in a few weeks, from a tragic boating incident during spring training. I then renamed my team the “really shitty boaters,” which I still maintain was a rather funny name, even if it was mostly insensitive. Kevin Reimer, 1993 Reimer was a huge (for the time) left-handed hitter who had some power and not much else. He actually had some decent years in Texas, putting up OPS+s of 113, 124, and 120 from ages 26 to 28. He went to Milwaukee in 1993, I drafted him, and he then hit .249/.303/.394 in 437 AB’s. I’m pretty sure I played him the entire season. I just thought he looked really imposing at the plate. Karim Garcia, 1997 Garcia was the next in a long line of much heralded Dodgers’ prospects headed to stardom. In the league I played in during college (comprised mostly of college professors who were grading me in classes, at the time,) we did a mid-year partial re-draft: keep half your team, re-draft the other half. Somewhere near the end of the draft, I picked Garcia. He was 21, he had 39 AB’s, and hit ./128/.239/.205 Never did amount to much, but he did punch a bullpen crew member of the Red Sox, a few years later. Darryl Kile, 2002 I had become a big fan of Kile’s. I loved that huge curveball of his, and had drafted him in his breakout year in Houston, in 1997, when he won 19 games with a 2.57 ERA in 255.7 IP. He went to Colorado for two years, before returning to the Cardinals and putting up 20 and 16 win seasons. I drafted him in 2002, expecting one of my favorite pitchers (albeit for a rival) to do more of the same. You know the story of what happened to him the night before he was scheduled to pitch in Wrigley. While the unlikely coincidence of having drafted both Olin and Kile was not lost on me, this time I could find nothing even slightly funny in the pitcher's death. Of course, at the start of 2003 I was joking that I was doing all Cubs fans a favor by deliberately avoiding Prior, Wood, Z and Cruz in the draft. Aramis Ramirez, 2002 Third Base had a lot of sexy options for the 2002 draft. Looking back at my crude pre-draft ratings chart, I had Pujols and Larry Jones ranked clearly ahead of the pack, followed by Nevin and Glaus. Aramis led the next grouping, which also included Eric Chavez, Scott Rolen and Cory Koskie. And below that were Adrian Beltre, Hank Blalock, Sean Burroughs and Morgan Ensberg. Next to Ramirez, I just left the note “Gonna be Huge.” Indeed, the previous year, at age 23, he had hit .300/.350/.356 with 34 HR and 112 RBI. The year I picked him, of course, he got suspended ten games for charging Ben Sheets in April, hurt his ankle in the process, which then affected his hitting the rest of the year as he dropped 220 points of OPS, going from an OPS+ of 125 to 69. As I recall, this was one of the (several) years where I somehow managed to lead the league in number of guys suspended and number of games. And I actually do try to draft “character” guys. The other guys I listed whom I could have drafted at 3B that year: Pujols, 155 OPS+; Larry, 155; Nevin, 106; Glaus, 115; Role, 132; Chavez, 122; Koskie, 118; Mark Buehrle, 2006 I never, ever liked Buehrle. I always just sort of winced and shivered at his last name: when pronounced, it suggests a tough guy. But it’s spelled really dumb, not like how a tough guy would spell it. So I always just sort of wound up with the mental image of a pitcher who sounded tougher than he was. Sort of the opposite of “Bam-Bam.” I didn’t want to draft him last year. But with the 60th pick and having already drafted an offensive juggernaut, he looked like the best pitcher left on the board. Yeah, I knew he didn’t strike enough people out. But he looked so delightfully consistent, so regularly successful even with the low K totals. I should have listened to my gut. Francisco Liriano and Scott Kazmir were still on the board, among others. Buehrle’s ERA+ went from143 to 93. Yadier Molina, 2006 Somewhere, I had heard that Yadier would develop to be both the best defensive and offensive of the Molina brothers. I took him with pick # 141, ahead of Ramon Hernandez, and a whopping 319 picks ahead of where I took the far more useful Bengie Molina. Molina finished with .216/.274/.321/.595, OPS+ of 54. Had he qualified, he would have ranked just ahead of Angel Berroa and just below Clint Barmes for worst OPS in MLB last year. Proof that you shouldn’t make draft picks based off of “Somewhere, I had heard.” The nice thing about fantasy baseball, much like real life, is that no matter how bad of a decision you make, there's someone nearby who's doing worse. The all-time worst draft pick that I've witnessed belonged to That Guy. You know the one I'm talking about. That Guy who's a nice enough guy, but just isn't as prepared or knowledgeable as the rest of your league. That Guy who takes five minutes to make his picks in an off-line draft, when everybody else is taking one minute. That Guy, who you can rest assured will not pick the sleeper that you want to pick with your next selection. In the worst draft pick I've ever seen, That Guy noticed, midway through our 2002 draft, that we had all passed on selecting one of the greatest offensive forces of the 1990s. Excitedly, he announced his selection, Albert Belle. The only problem was, Belle's degenerative hip condition had caused him to retire. After the 2000 season.


I also had Kile in 2002.

My worst pick ever: Teixiera at #4 overall last year. Ouch. Cost me my league. Could've had Thome in the 21st round.

I think I started around 2000 with fantasy baseball in a keeper league (7 per season)..

By sometime in 2004, I had managed to acquire Prior, Z and Wood and was all proud of myself (along with Randy Johnson).

Been living the pain as a fan and and a fantasy baller ever since. The league disbanded after 2005, so I was spared it last year, but ugh...

My first bad fantasy pick was Dickie Thon in 1985.

That .353/.389/.471/.860 line in 1984 fooled me. I was 14 then, I didn't know anything about small sample size. I just figured I could extrapolate those 17 at-bats, nevermind the eye injury.

I hadn't realized how long he held on. He was pretty good for the Phillies in 1989 and played regularly until '93.

I started Chan Ho Park the day he gave up two grannies to Fernando Tatis. Park overall wasn't bad that year, but you can't trust a guy who pulls something like that.

I DIDN'T start Kile when he threw a no-hitter, in like maybe 1998. I lost the money prize for finishing first overall for the week, by a single point.

2006: Rich Harden, Bobby Crosby and Marcus Giles. That's just bad luck.

BTW, Trans, sorry I haven't gotten around to send you the e-mail. I will do it later today, I'm swamped with schoolwork.

Jay Marrioti just used his "Face Time" at the end of Around the Horn to plead with the International Olympic Committee not to allow bloggers access to the Olympic Village at the next Games.

Why did he come out for this?

Because according to him, there is enough scandle in sports, particularly the olympics, without bloggers going around uncovering more dirt.

It's good to know that Jay Marrioti has drawn a clear line in the sand regarding the controversial issue of Investigative Journalism: he's against it.

That's hilarious.

But what the heck were you doing watching Around the Horn?

I caught the last 30 seconds, accidentally, while waiting for PTI to begin.

In other news, a sincere congratulations to Albert Pujols on aceing his citizenship test and becoming a US citizen.

My bonehead move of the year last season was picking up John Rheinecker...and, to make room for him, releasing Chien -Ming Wang. I also drafted Sean Burroughs. I also won Bill Mueller (in his last year with the Red Sox) for $10 units, and proclaimed my winning of Jay Bell as me obtaining "the best second baseman in the league." Pretty sure that was in '00, when he hit a whopping .267.

My dumbest long-term move in our keeper league, however, was cutting Bill Hall back in '05...after having paid $1 unit for him.

My stay away from at all costs this year include Ted Lilly (yes, I picked him up a couple years ago...when he gets rocked, he *really* gets rocked), Mark Buehrle, Paul Konerko (both due to bad experiences with them in the past), and Jason Giambi (just don't trust those older, post-'roid dudes).

Trans, you've got mail.

Wasn't Bob Ojeda on that boat?
He got scalped too I think. Yikes.

By the way do you have any Anna Nicole Smith Playboys?

Yes, Ojeda and another player was... Steve Crews maybe? Would have to go google it, and who has time for all that effort?

No, no ANS memorabilia of any sort, over here.

Tim Crews. Hooray Google.

Stark article on the 10 yr. anniversary.....

Give Bob a wide berth -

From wikipedia-

"e pitched well in 1988 but was involved in what some consider one of the most ridiculous accidents in baseball history when he severed the tip of his left middle finger while trimming his hedges in mid-September."

I drafted and dropped Liriano in the pre-season last year.

And I call myself an expert...

I remember picking up John Wasdin in fantasy league with Transmission in 2005 and being hounded mercilessly by him for doing it. I even changed my team name to "John Wasdin's America" for a week as an homage.

But I'd say my worst pick was last year, Randy Johnson at the end of the first round in a points-based league that punishes for earned runs. Ugly stuff to go with ugly Randy.

Wow, I'd totally forgotten about that, Tom. I trust I wasn't TOO hard on ya....

But still, Wasdin? ~grin~

In early spring of '99 I set up my pitching staff by getting Wood and Schilling for about $62 combined. I didn't win that year.

Oh yeah, Trans. You should have quit playing fantasy baseball after Kile's death.

We used to have a league called the Sons Of Brickhouse (SOB) League. On the night of the first draft, we met at the apartment of a guy who lived a block from Wrigley Field. He had appropriated a huge ESPN banner from some event he had once attended and it covered most of his living room wall. What a backdrop it made. Frequently, we would hold our bi-weekly owners' meetings at the Slugger's on Clark Street, again just a few steps from Wrigley Field. I thought that was the ultimate fantasy baseball setting. I don't remember many of my players, though I'm pretty sure they all sucked.

One year I shared a team with my brother and I drafted Pete Incaviglia. My brother blasted me immediately and all year long. On the last day of the season Inky hit a hr to break a hr tie with another team and give us first place.

Who can forget the great Arlis episode where he is running around the office shouting that he just traded for Bagwell. He was in a NL only league and he arranged to trade one of his clients in real life to the AL to screw his competitor and win the league. This episode should be required viewing for all fantasy participants.

Has anyone considered a fantasy blog site for all of you fantasy league lovers?

MVN's site

he's a Cubs fan too and I believe that was the author in comment #18

U down with OPP? That brought back 6th grade memories and made me laugh out loud. Well played Dr. Transmission

ESPN is reporting on television that Corey "K" Patterson has signed a one year, $4.3 million, deal with the Orioles. In announcing the deal, the voice over commented that Patterson had a "surprising" year in 2006, hitting 16 homers, something like 56 RBIs and 45 stolen bases.

thank you, THANK YOU aaron b for catching that.

That was THE SONG in yeah, something like seventh grade.


I have every last one ANS was ever in or on (long time collector). Why are you interested? Wanna nail down the 12-15 bucks they are going for right now?

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  • Not certain why the site has been slowed. Worked much of Wednesday on it and will continue today. Sorry for the inconvenience. I will probably take it offline for a while, but it will be up before the game against the Mets.

    WebAdmin 7 min ago view
  • Mine has been really slow to load -- on different computers from different locations.

    JoePepitone 2 hours 28 min ago view
  • Anybody else have issues accessing the site this afternoon/evening?

    Eric S 3 hours 29 min ago view
  • Boras is 63, maybe he'll be retired or dead by the time Bryant, Russell, Almora, Albertos all hit free agency. Doubt he will be before Jake hits there though.

    cubbies.4ever 6 hours 49 min ago view
  • Interesting choices when guys get healthy.

    LaStella, Fowler & Soler replace Coghlan, Almora and Sczcur? I assume they don't want Almora to sit.

    Despite MIggy's demise, I assume they keep him around to mentor Contreras?

    billybucks 8 hours 3 min ago view
  • I believe Willson now has more CS than MIggy. The kid has an arm. Also, Russell is amazingly good on those plays at 2nd.

    billybucks 9 hours 14 min ago view
  • oh yeah...thanks joe/billy.

    poor outing, still got the win, go cubs.

    crunch 9 hours 52 min ago view
  • Although it felt like it, Jake didn't lose to them -- he got the W. (Assuming you are referring to Monday's game)

    billybucks 11 hours 33 min ago view
  • Arrieta didn't lose to the Reds. He got the win -- he just didn't pitch like we expect him to.

    JoePepitone 11 hours 34 min ago view
  • almora's 1st HR!

    crunch 11 hours 41 min ago view
  • it's not like this CIN team is lost-cause horrible, but aside from defense and power this is a truly horrible team.

    kinda crazy arrieta lost to them and yesterday's game had to go 15 innings for the cubs win.

    crunch 11 hours 57 min ago view
  • It looked like Hamilton got screened by Duvall and that Duvall just barely deflected the ball off of his glove--redirecting it slightly without taking away much of its momentum.

    At least it didn't turn into a Schwarber/Fowler situation. Hamilton and Duvall are both pretty important youngish players for the Reds.

    Charlie 12 hours 5 min ago view
  • he walked off the field on his own. aside from a concussion watch and some attention to his leg/knee that buckled a bit under him, the biggest thing hurt was probably his pride after the ball knocked off his skull.

    crunch 12 hours 24 min ago view
  • After last night, an inside-the-park HR seems kind of run-of-the-mill somehow.

    Sounds bad for Hamilton. Hope he's okay--listening on the radio.

    Brick 12 hours 41 min ago view
  • SHOW ME THE MONEY: Jose Albertos has signed with Mega-Agent Scott Boras.

    Albertos has already received his signing bonus and won't see any additional significant money until he reaches the big leagues, so this is a long-term investment for the Boras Corporation.  

    Other Cubs represented by Boras include Jake Arrieta, Kris Bryant, Addison Russell, and Albert Almora Jr. 

    Arizona Phil 12 hours 47 min ago view
  • I am glad Joe is managing this team and not Old and Blue!

    Hagsag 15 hours 10 min ago view